I was on such a high yesterday from the good news we received that I made it sound like the opposite news would have been the worst thing in the world. I failed to mention that I actually think we were in a very healthy place to accept the news and be ok with it, even recognize it as a blessing. We just needed to know before we could get to that place.
An article in this month's Ensign was about having a baby with Downs (which I took as another sign that it was inevitable) and it described the feelings we were having perfectly. No one wants a baby with special needs. They can be a challenge to raise, they may have many medical problems, and won't be able to live a normal life with marriage, missions, careers, etc., but they truly are sent straight from heaven. Their salvation is secure and they have so much joy and light to offer their families. We would have loved our little boy no matter what. Regardless of what would have happened or still could happen, we are truly blessed.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
I Believe in Miracles!
I got the dreaded call last Tuesday from the doctor's office. One of my blood tests came back with abnormal results. It showed I had a 1 in 10 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. Usually when this test comes back positive, it shows a 1 in 200 or 1 in 300 chance, so I knew it was serious.
Brian and I rushed to the genetic counselor the next day at IMC to have a detailed ultrasound to see if everything was ok. Everything seemed fine, except the baby had a short femur bone. Thanks to my internet research the night before, I knew that a short femur bone is a marker for downs. I was devastated. But I was glad the baby didn't show other signs, like heart or kidney problems that can be associated with downs.
I knew that the ultrasound couldn't tell me for sure, so Brian and I agonized over it and then decided to have an amniocentesis right then and there. We just couldn't go on without knowing. It wouldn't change anything other than our ability to cope and be mentally prepared when the baby is born with a problem. There are risks of miscarriage and other complications associated with an amnio, but we just had to know.
Anyway, the doctor doing the amnio had trouble getting through the amniotic sac due to what she called "tenting." I didn't think anything of it, but after we got home, I went to the good old internet and found out that "tenting" is often a sign of down syndrome. I guess babies with downs have thicker sacs?
I started looking at other things that could indicate downs. One of the common features is a space between the big toe and the next toe. We were given a printout of a few things during the ultrasound, one of which was the bottom of the babies foot. Of course, what do I see? A space between the toes. I was convinced. I was so devastated.
Before the amino, we were offered a test called "FISH" that would give us earlier limited results, mainly ruling out downs syndrome. Of course we opted for that. The full panel of tests will test for other problems and we should have those results later this week, but the "FISH" results were due today, Monday. Brian and I have been nervous wrecks. Yesterday was the worst. We were crying at the drop of a hat and were so depressed. I haven't been eating well or sleeping much for a couple days. I was just so consumed with these worries.
I finally got the call this morning. I was so convinced that it would be bad news that when the genetic counselor said the test came back normal, I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. I was so sure I knew the outcome. I was prepared for the worst. It was truly a miracle to me that our little boy is healthy. True, we still have the full panel of test results coming later this week, but we were only told he had a risk for downs, so now that they have ruled that out, we are breathing a sigh of relief.
Now, if I could just stop worrying that the amnio is going to cause a miscarriage, I'll be good to go. There's always something to worry about when you are pregnant, right? (And the internet doesn't help.)
Brian and I rushed to the genetic counselor the next day at IMC to have a detailed ultrasound to see if everything was ok. Everything seemed fine, except the baby had a short femur bone. Thanks to my internet research the night before, I knew that a short femur bone is a marker for downs. I was devastated. But I was glad the baby didn't show other signs, like heart or kidney problems that can be associated with downs.
I knew that the ultrasound couldn't tell me for sure, so Brian and I agonized over it and then decided to have an amniocentesis right then and there. We just couldn't go on without knowing. It wouldn't change anything other than our ability to cope and be mentally prepared when the baby is born with a problem. There are risks of miscarriage and other complications associated with an amnio, but we just had to know.
Anyway, the doctor doing the amnio had trouble getting through the amniotic sac due to what she called "tenting." I didn't think anything of it, but after we got home, I went to the good old internet and found out that "tenting" is often a sign of down syndrome. I guess babies with downs have thicker sacs?
I started looking at other things that could indicate downs. One of the common features is a space between the big toe and the next toe. We were given a printout of a few things during the ultrasound, one of which was the bottom of the babies foot. Of course, what do I see? A space between the toes. I was convinced. I was so devastated.
Before the amino, we were offered a test called "FISH" that would give us earlier limited results, mainly ruling out downs syndrome. Of course we opted for that. The full panel of tests will test for other problems and we should have those results later this week, but the "FISH" results were due today, Monday. Brian and I have been nervous wrecks. Yesterday was the worst. We were crying at the drop of a hat and were so depressed. I haven't been eating well or sleeping much for a couple days. I was just so consumed with these worries.
I finally got the call this morning. I was so convinced that it would be bad news that when the genetic counselor said the test came back normal, I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. I was so sure I knew the outcome. I was prepared for the worst. It was truly a miracle to me that our little boy is healthy. True, we still have the full panel of test results coming later this week, but we were only told he had a risk for downs, so now that they have ruled that out, we are breathing a sigh of relief.
Now, if I could just stop worrying that the amnio is going to cause a miscarriage, I'll be good to go. There's always something to worry about when you are pregnant, right? (And the internet doesn't help.)
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