My Struggle to Blog

I don't know what it is, but I never have been great at keeping a blog (or a journal for that matter). I have always felt like no matter what I say, it will never be as witty, as funny, as enlightening, as...whatever, as other people's blogs. Who would want to read what I write? I read so many other's blogs where I can't wait to read the next "installment" or I can't wait to tell Brian about the funny thing I read or tell him "guess what so and so is up to." I can't ever come up with anything I want to say that would get that response from anyone. I feel like the only times I'm inspired to write are when I want to vent or complain about something. What is wrong with me?

Well, here's my sad attempt at just writing about nothing and hoping that it's something that at least I will want to re-read someday.

Dallin and Alyssa just finished swim lessons last week, and, to my surprise, they both passed. I think the instructors were a little lenient, because I was sure they wouldn't pass, especially Dallin, who refuses to put his face in the water without a huge protest, gagging, sputtering, etc. Even when he plugs his nose (he actually plugs his whole face, with his hand over his nose and mouth, pinching everything), he still comes up gagging like he swallowed a bunch of water. I don't know how that's even possible. Alyssa doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

It's funny how the kids have taken after us as parents. Dallin is my child through and through. He hates scary rides, doesn't have a knack for swimming, is so uncoordinated it's not even funny, and is too smart for his own good. Alyssa is a daredevil like Brian, willing to try anything, coordinated, not afraid of water (or anything else, except for the street...but that's a good thing). I wonder who Emily will turn out to be like. Hmmmm....

Anyway, I've signed them up for the next swimming lessons. They start on Monday. They are going to be eaten alive in that class. They have to push off the side and swim with their faces in the water to the other side of this small pool area. It's probably about 10-15 feet. They have to kick and use their arms. Not going to happen, but at least I can see what they need to know and we'll work on it with them and hopefully have them up to speed by next summer. I never learned how to swim, or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm just so terrified of water in every way that I don't even know for sure if I can or not. I can get around just fine in the shallow water. I can float, doggy paddle, and do all the other basic things, but put me in the deep water and I panic so bad that I start to drown and need my husband to rescue me (embarassing, I know). I hope some day I can be brave, and when I am, I hope that I discover that I can swim after all.

If you've made it this far (Who am I kidding? No one reads this!), you deserve to be let in on a little secret. I'm expecting another baby in December. This one will be 20 months apart from Emily. I've already experienced 18 months apart with Dallin and Alyssa, so I know what I'm in for, but I'm a little nervous about this one. Emily has turned into such a handful. It seems that way for all my kids. As soon as I find out I'm pregnant, my previously angelic children get in touch with their dark sides and make me wonder all through my pregnancy what I've gotten myself into. This pregnancy is also scaring me in a weird way I wouldn't have expected. I keep forgetting about it. I go for hours not even remembering it, then all of the sudden, it comes back to me and I get a wave of panic, wondering if I made up the whole thing. I also don't have hardly any symptoms other than a tender stomach that can't bear the thought of regular pants right now. I've been in loose or maternity jeans for over a month, hoping no one notices yet. I have an ultrasound on Monday to pinpoint an exact due date. My doctor just can't accept the fact that I have large babies for no reason at all. She thinks maybe we are miscalculating my due dates, so she ordered this ultrasound to double check the date. I'm thrilled! The more ultrasounds, the better, but I'm also scared. Just my usual worries that something might be wrong. I'm also worried that the date will be pushed back into January, and then I'll have a whole host of other things to worry about, the biggest being that my deductible will start over January 1, which means this baby will cost double what we thought it would. There's also the slightly lesser problem of not having the baby in this tax year for next years' tax break (but this one would just be a nice perk, not a real concern like the deductible thing). Anyway, I'm hoping after my ultrasound that this pregnancy will sink in a little more and I can accept that it is real and that we are soon going to be a family of 6. SIX! Weird. I think that's as big as it's going to get though. I can't see me driving a big cargo van with 8 kids like my mom did. Four kids is enough for me!

I am going to make a better effort to get on here and write about nothing more often. It feels good. If nothing else comes from it, at least I can improve my writing skills and look back at these entries and be reminded of some good memories.